Are you plagued with thoughts like these?  If so, they are probably keeping you from moving forward with your job search, business plans or even the ability to deepen important relationships.  Negative thoughts can be discouraging or even debilitating, but you don’t have to let them rule your actions! You can beat negative thoughts and negative self talk with a few simple steps.

In his recent book, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness“, Dr. Daniel Amen calls this negative self-talk the “fortune-telling ANT.”  These ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) can cause anxiety, stress, inaction and even problems with our physical health.  If you are a job seeker or an entrepreneur you are, no doubt, intimately familiar with ANTs.  They are the little voice inside your head that tells you that you aren’t smart enough or good enough or experienced enough.

The good news is that these ANTs can be killed quite easily.  Here’s Dr. Amen’s recipe:

Step 1 – write down the event that is causing you stress or anxiety.

Step 2 – Notice and write down the automatic negative thoughts that come to your mind when you think of this event.

Step 3 – Label those thought as a fortune-telling ANT. Amen writes, “Often, just naming the thought can help take away its power.” (Amen, p. 98)

Step 4 – Talk back to the ANT – or squash and kill it. Chances are that the negative thought is only partially true. Squash the ANT by bringing in as many positive responses as possible.  For instance, if the ANT is telling you that you don’t have enough experience, make a list of the experience you DO have.  Counter the ANT with facts.

Dr. Amen offers the above 4 steps to kill ANTs.  To that I add this fifth one:

Step 5 – Make an action list of 2 or 3 things you can do TODAY that will prove the ANT wrong.  Being proactive will help you prove to yourself that the ANT is wrong and you are right.  Thus, the ANT stays dead longer!

You don’t have to be held hostage by your negative thoughts.  You can beat your negative thoughts with these few simple steps.  Now, go and kill those ANTs!

Happy Hunting!

Does your answer to this question stop the conversation cold or does it take the conversation to the next level? Whether you are looking for more clients or searching for a new job, the way you answer this question is vitally important for getting the other person to talk to you.

As a small business owner who is looking for more clients, you want your answer to engage the listener so they can determine whether or not your product or service can help solve their problems.  Most of the time, however, our answers make the hearer feel like you are trying to sell them something. That will turn them off quickly!

If you are looking for a job, your answer to this question will determine whether the listener helps you uncover job leads or whether they offer you sympathy for looking for work in a time of unprecedented high unemployment. You don’t want sympathy!  What you want is a hot lead to a position that will provide satisfactory work and a good salary.

Here are a few tips for answering the question, “what do you do?” These tips will help you keep the conversation moving forward rather than stop it dead in its tracks.

1. Pepper your answer with action words. Since the question is “what do you DO?” your answer needs to be verb heavy.  Don’t give a title (“I’m as insurance sales person” “I’m an accountant”).  Right or wrong, titles place you in a box in the other person’s mind. Action words, on the other hand, will allow the listener to put themselves in the place of a person who may need your products or services. Action words will allow the other person to say, “that’s interesting. Please tell me more.”
2. Strike a familiar chord. Use language that meets the needs of your perfect client or prospective boss. We too often use the technical language of our field. That’s great if we are talking to professionals who do what we do. It’s rotten if we are trying to pique the interest of someone who needs what we have to offer. Use the language of your clients to explain what you do.  It will open many doors!
3. Focus on the problem, not the solution. Our clients all have a problem that needs to be fixed. However, most of them do not know exactly what the problem is, let alone how to fix it. If you jump to the solution too quickly you run the risk of shutting down the conversation. Remember, people don’t really care what you know until they know that you care about them. Focusing on the problem keeps you from sounding like a used care salesman.

The next time someone asks you “what you do”, I hope you will be able to keep the conversation moving forward. Work on these three tips and you will get some amazing responses!  I guarantee it!

And for those of you who wonder what I do, well . . . my job is to help you answer the “what do you do” question. I help people discover, develop and promote their personal brand so they can find more terrific clients or land the perfect job.

Yep, that’s what I do. What do YOU do?

Happy Hunting, friends!

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A few years back Tom Peters taught us the importance of building our personal brand. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve come to realize that I learned about personal branding long before Mr. Peters ever wrote about it. I learned about personal branding from Tom Dick Harry — my dad.

He might not have been Billy Mays, or Seth Godin, or Barrack Obama, but he was definitely a unique man! In the 1970s he grew hip sideburns and a handlebar mustache. The mustache stuck and became his personal trademark until the day he died. That mustache became his personal brand.

Dad understood the power of networking.  He was always looking for ways to help people connect with each other.  He loved people and being the center of attention.  He also loved introducing his friends to each other. His strong faith led him to work hard to connect people with their God…whoever that might be. While dad was definitely a Christian, he was open to helping people find room for other understandings and interpretations of God.  One young man, raised a devout Jew, asked if he could go talk to Dick because he “had a few questions about religion that Dick would understand.”  Dad did.  He was open minded enough to know that his image of God, while strong and based upon biblical principals, was incomplete.  He was a champion “connector.”

My dad taught me to WORK HARD while I was at work, “If you don’t have anything to do, grab a broom and start sweeping. If the boss walks through and sees 2 people standing around and one sweeping, who do you think he’s going to send home?” I hated it as a kid, but I love it as an adult.  It’s not difficult for me to find work because I am willing to do almost anything that needs to be done. That’s what dad taught me to do.

Dad was a musician and an artist.  As a child, I can remember the family standing around the piano and singing boisterously while dad played the piano. His voice was strong and he always sang at the top of his lungs.  I could hear him singing even when we sat in different parts of the congregation.  I loved knowing my dad was there giving it all he had.  He was a passionate musician.

Dad also had a sense of humor with his music. He once told me that, while in college, he and his friends would gather to sing in the parlor with him at the piano. At the end of the evening he would play a series of scales and finish by playing an incomplete scale. He’d play 7 (out of notes and leave the room in darkness.  Inevitably someone would traipse downstairs to complete the scale by playing that last note.  I love it! I have instructed the musicians at his memorial service to end their postlude that way!  I wonder if anyone will notice. I wonder if anyone will complete the scale.

Dad influenced many young people in his lifetime.  He was an elementary school teacher and volunteered to work with youth in our church. People loved having him around for his vibrancy and uniqueness.  Dad taught kindergarten in the 1970s–highly unusual for that era to have a man in the classroom with young children. Dad taught the same silly songs to high school kids at camp that he sang with 5 year-olds at school.  I don’t know how many adults taught “I Wub A Wabbit” to their own kids, but I do know they learned it from dad when they were in high school. . . hand motions and all!

Dad was passionate about life and living. He almost died many times over the past 15 years, but his will to live always pulled him through.  He didn’t want to miss a party or the chance to make a new friend. He was ill for a long time, but he never wanted to let that stop him from going somewhere or being with someone he loved. He was always up for going to coffee or lunch or a movie. His love of living poured out in generosity as well. Dad never was a rich man, but he always wanted to pay for your drink or meal. If someone asked him for the shirt off his back, he would give it to him no questions asked. Of course, the shirts dad wore were usually pink or flowery or gawdy in some other way. . . perhaps that’s why people seldom asked for his shirt!

Dad encouraged me to live an authentic life, to love boldy, and to enjoy being around people. He was my number one fan, standing out in the rain at our football games in High School (I played on the C team, so he was pretty much the only person in the crowd), attending every concert. I visited dad the day before he died in the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. I was supposed to be the guest preacher at his church that evening, and the first thing dad said was, “I’m so sorry I won’t be able to make it to support you.” He was that way for all of his children and many more who’s father wasn’t willing or able to be there.

Tomorrow we will gather to celebrate dad’s life and to bid him farewell. It will be a sad occassion, but it will also be an amazing celebration because dad loved people and life so much.  I know the church will be full to the brim with people sharing wonderful stories of how their lives have been touched by Tom Dick Harry. We will laugh and cry. We will sing from the bottom of our hearts. We will share stories and lean on each other–his friends and family. We will be together, just as he would have wanted it.

Dad was a special man with a unique personality and a distinct personal brand. Thomas Richard Harry–not just any Tom, Dick and Harry, but my dad. I’m greatful he taught me how to love life. I’m greatful he taught me how to passionately love God’s people. I’m greatful he taught me how to live my own unique, personal brand.

Thanks dad! I love you and I will miss you.

Mom says that grandpa was without regular work for about 10 years. During that time he did whatever odd jobs he could to pay the rent and put food on the table. He worked on a friend’s ranch in Eastern Oregon and did day labor when he could find it. Grandpa heard that the railroad was hiring in Portland, so in early December of 1941 he found his way to the big city. That day was December 7th — the day the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor marking the U.S. entry into WWII. Needless to say, when grandpa got to Portland the railroad was no longer hiring.

Too old to enlist in the war, grandpa stayed with his brother-in-law and went about looking for work wherever he could find it. After many fits and starts, he finally got hired on with a trucking company where he spent the rest of his working career. He learned about the opportunity from a friend, and followed up.  Luckily that opportunity turned into a long lasting career.

For several years the family lived in NW Portland in a house with 3 other families — and only ONE bathroom!  It’s all they could afford.  They got along and enjoyed each others company even thought times were tough.

I’ll bet there is a similar story in your family. Since I heard mom tell that story, I’ve been wondering “what can WE learn from those past experiences?”  Well, several things. . .

1. Things are tough right now, but not nearly as bad as they have been. The country has come through worse economic times, and we WILL weather this storm.  Work to keep a positive attitude and together we can make it through this economic crisis.
2. Our grandparents (or great-grandparents) did whatever the had to do in order to put food on the table.  How many unemployed people today are willing to take a subsistence job for a time in order to keep themselves afloat until something better comes along?
3. Follow up on opportunities your hear about through others.  Today we call it “networking”, but I doubt grandpa used that specific word for it.
4. Everything is temporary. The Great Depression was temporary.  WWII was temporary.  Your last job was temporary.  So will you next job be temporary.  What are YOU doing to focus on the long term?
5. Enjoy each other.  Even though my mom and her family lived in a house with several other families and only one bathroom, she tells me they enjoyed each other.  They were a generally loving family, taking care of each other and providing emotional security in a world where it was severely lacking.

I encourage you to talk to someone in your own family who has a memory of how things were a few generations ago.  I think it will put perspective on the challenges we are all facing, and perhaps give us some hope to move boldly into the future!

Just one more thing — Peter Clayton of Total Picture Radio believes recruiter confidence is picking up.  He writes, “According to the latest ExecuNet Recruiter Confidence Index, a growing number of companies are adding new executive jobs, and fewer are eliminating them, leading executive recruiters to confirm economic recovery is beginning to take hold.” You can listen to the podcast at: Total Picture Radio (with Peter Clayton).

When you go through a grocery line today the bagger asks you how you want your items packed. “Paper or plastic?”  Many stores do not even offer us an option. They hand us our items bagged in plastic. There was a time when all groceries were packed into paper bags. Plastic bags were uncommon but not anymore. Today plastic bags are the norm.

Last week I stated that traditional jobs were going away. I recommended that it was time to change your career strategy and stop looking for jobs and start looking for work. The insight I want to share with you this week is that work used to be packed in paper bags but today it is being packed into plastic bags. There is work to be found but more and more companies are offering it in unconventional ways.

We are used to looking for work packed into job positions with clear cut duties. The jobs were offered in a paper bag called full-time, or permanent work. Today many employers are packaging work into plastic bags called projects, temporary work or contract work.

What is happening?  Companies are finding that they have to be flexible and nimble in order to compete in today’s market. They need to enlarge their workforce on short notice in order to produce a product or service. Once they have achieved their objectives they need to reduce their workforce rather than pay out wages to idle employees.

Think about the difference between paper bags and plastic bags.  A big paper grocery sack could hold a lot of groceries. You could pack many items neatly into one bag. The bags had a rigid shape and fairly predictable volume of room. Traditional jobs were like paper bags, sturdy and dependable.

But today employers are packing much of their work into plastic bags. Work today is much more flexible, odd shaped and comes in smaller units. Plastic bags are a better container for holding or assigning work.

Be careful that you do not overlook, ignore, or turn down work because it is being offering in “plastic” as contract work, temporary work or as a consulting assignment and not offered as “paper,” a full-time job. Plastic not paper is the new norm for work today.

So, which is it for you?  Paper or plastic?

Example 1: HR Generalist I

Human Resource professional with progressive hands on experience in diverse organizations from start-ups to industry leader with revenues of $8 billion including multi-state U.S. and global locations.

Resourceful, organized team player able to provide business partnership and HR guidance to both management team and employees. Recognized for being ethical and approachable with a focus on the big picture. Strong hands-on approach, can manage diverse projects simultaneously and with excellent communication skills.

Experience working with HR and Business partners in Europe and Asia as well as multiple locations in the US.

Example 2: HR Generalist II

Broad knowledge of HR principles and services. Exceptional proficiency in Employee Relations and Leave/Workers’ Compensation coordination. Effective at building relationships with employees and managers at all levels within an organization to support the business strategy, resolve communications issues and motivate individuals to optimal performance. Conscientious and resourceful advisor with a reputation for sound judgment and achieving positive results.

Specialties include:

Employee Relations FMLA/OFLA/ADA Coordination OSHA/WC Management
Policy & Procedure Writing Building & Leading Teams Staff Planning & Recruitment

Example 3: Software Developer

Experienced Software Implementation Manager with 11 years of extensive enterprise resource planning implementation experience
• Successful implementations of PeopleSoft, SAP, Lawson and other applications at more than 14 public and private sector clients and corporations across a wide range of industries and locations
• 9 years of consulting experience with a major international consulting firm earning performance ratings consistently above my peers and an executive promotion to Senior Manager
• 8 years of project management and team lead experience with a PMP certification
• Solid reputation for meeting aggressive deadlines and providing high quality deliverables within budget
• Mature leadership and communication skills with an exceptional ability to plan and organize work efforts and excel in a team environment. Core competencies include:

Project Management Application Development Application Security
Configuration and Conversion Testing and Validation Implementation and Cutover
Production Support Sales and Business Development Software Selection

Example 4: Engineer/Engineering Manager

Demonstrated ability to lead multi-disciplinary teams of engineers delivering high performance, low cost product technologies from research to market on time and on budget. A leader in defining methodologies to use to turn more research elements into products faster. Strong technical design, modeling, and statistical background; excellent leadership vision, systematic planning, and two-way communication skills. Over 20 years of research and development experience, including 10 years progressively responsible management experience. Extensive experience managing international development teams/suppliers in Malaysia, Japan, Taiwan, and Korea, including 3 years working in Japan. Ph.D., M.S., Engineering Mechanics.

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Your network let you down?  Really?

If you feel like your network has let you down, then you really don’t understand what a network is, how to develop it, or how to use it to help you in the job search.  Listen up, kids.  There WILL BE a test at the end of this post, and if you fail you will add several months (not weeks . . . MONTHS) to your job search.

What you must understand first and foremost is that networking is NOT about you. Ever.  It’s about connecting people to help them get what they want or need. Anything that comes your way out of networking is a bi-product of you connecting other people. Many job seekers don’t understand this, and thus, are frustrated when their network doesn’t produce the results they think it should.  Many job seekers think the network is there to serve them, to pass along job leads, or to help them get a foot in the door. That is NOT what a network is for.  YOU exist to serve the network. The network is not there to serve you.

Here’s the tricky part. It is a proven fact that most people find their job because of a network connection.  They know somebody who knows somebody who needs what that particular job seeker has to offer. Your name gets passed along as a potential fit, and before you know it you are sitting in an interview.  Somehow that confusingly gets turned into, “my network is there to help me find a job.”  Look closer, because that’s not what is happening at all.  That scenario is not about YOU, it’s about the person or company that has a need for something.  Your name gets passed along because you have built up trust and respect within your network.  You are the connection that helps the other person fulfill their need.  Don’t ever get this confused, because that’s when people feel that their network has let them down. In fact the opposite is true — YOU have let down YOUR NETWORK.  You haven’t shown yourself to be trustworthy, so nobody passed along your name as a potential solution to the other person’s problem. Bitter medicine, perhaps, but that’s the way it works!

In their book, Trust Agents, Chris Brogan and Julien Smith offer a mathematic formula for trust.  (It’s not theirs originally, but that’s where I saw it, so they get the credit.) The formula goes like this:

(C x R x I) / S = T

That is, CREDIBILITY times RELIABILITY times INTIMACY, divided by SELF-ORIENTATION equals TRUST.  The key here, as I see it, is to understand that as SELF-ORIENTATION (or self-interest) increases, your TRUST factor decreases.  The more you are in it for yourself, the less trust you obtain. Networks are driven by trust.

So, the next time you feel like your network has let you down check your heart and clarify your motives.  Others can tell if you are there for yourself or for them, and they won’t tolerate it.

What’s your TRUST factor?

Trust Agents: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust

I’ll explain why in a minute, but first a brief sidebar. As I started the process I sent a tweet asking my followers for their recommendation. Interestingly enough, @GuyKawasaki (or someone tweeting for him) shot back a reply, “all three!” As I said, I chose Brogan and Smith, so “sorry Guy” — but I have good reason, and the fact that you responded to my tweet puts you on top of the list for when I spend the Barnes and Noble card I got!

I am a Career Coach, Small Business Coach, and professional speaker. When I look for something to read I usually try to find something that will give me double mileage for my time, because, like you, I’m busy! I am currently doing a lot of work helping job seekers and small businesses integrate social media into their marketing strategy. My specialty is helping old people like me (I’ll be 50 this year) understand the value of Social Media basics like Twitter and Facebook. You see, my generation grew up without all of this fancy technology. My family had a black and white tv until I was in High School – ONE TV! There were 4 channels and we had to fight to watch our favorite shows. (Luckily, my favorite was everyone else’s favorite as well. Let’s just say we never missed a “Gilligan’s Island” re-run.)

Anyway, my generation wasn’t raised with computers. We didn’t have cell phones. My generation is skeptical, but we know that we need to learn how and why to use Social Media, if for no other reason than to keep up with our kids! Much of what I do in this space is to help my generation understand the strategic value and opportunities involved in Social Media for business and finding job opportunities. That’s why I chose Brogan and Smith. I’ve devoured Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies“ by Charlene Li and Josh Bernoff. I’ve drunk from the cup of professional bloggers such as Brian Clark, Darren Rowse, and Yaro Starak — I’m even a member of the “Teaching Sells” community. I have accounts at Digg.com, Technorati, and Delicious (although, admittedly. I don’t use them enough). I attend our local Wordcamp, Beer and Blog, and an ocassional SEMPdx event. I’m good friends with Joshua Waldman (affiliate link), Eric Mann (my publisher) and Pete Wright (my personal videographer) — three guys I consider to be SoMe Gurus. I’m pretty hooked on social media, but to the rest of my generation I’m a bit of an enigma. Most of us “old folks”*** are skeptical of these newfangled contraptions! I have heard on many occasions a statement that was recently made by my friend Elaine.  She said, “I don’t want everyone knowing my business.”

Well I have news for you Elaine, everyone already knows your business! Your life is an open book for all to see, all they need to do is Google your name and they can find your picture, your phone number, your home address, even the fact that you remodeled your basement to the tune of $7,500 in 2008 and took out a permit that cost you $75.00.

“Everyone already knows your business, Elaine.”

That’s the point I’m trying to make in this post. Part of my current mission is to help people raised on rotary phones and Gilligan’s Island re-runs learn the value of using social media to grow their business or find their perfect career position or simply to enhance their life. I picked up the three books mentioned above and chose the one I felt will best help me with that mission.  Vaynerchuk’s book is a great option for helping people find and live their passion.  I intend to use it in my coaching practice with job seekers, however, it didn’t quit hit the spot with my need to help my generation understand and use social media.  Kawasaki’s book (IMHO) felt like it is more aimed at the corporate enterprise than the individual. It’s got some gems, but is a little more corporate than I needed this time.  I will buy those books later, for a different purpose, just not now.  Right now, I need something that will give me the philosophical framework and language tools I need to help my generation embrace Web 2.0 and social media.  Brogan and Smith’s book does exactly that.  I think what really sold me was the little section titled: A Final Lesson: Don’t Be “That Guy” (p. 110 & following). Here’s the specific quote:

“A trust agent’s job is . . to make people feel comfortable, all the way, building deep relationships before ever asking something of others.  You should be there for THEM.”

Yep.  That’s what I need.  My generation is the generation of love, peace (and drugs).  We can understand a social media philosophy that encourages us to “be there for them.” This book is just what I need right now.

Thanks @Chrisbrogan and @julien. And sorry @guykawasaki.  Maybe next time. . .

*** [A old fella was telling his neighbor, \'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it\'s state of the art. It\'s perfect.\'   \'Really,\' answered the neighbor. \'What kind is it?\'   \' Twelve thirty.\']

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10) Get out of the house. Hey, you can’t effectively conduct a job search from your home office.  Get away from the computer and go talk to somebody. Now! (Do that often enough and you won’t need to read the rest of this top 10 list.)

9) Remember, networking is NOT about YOU! Click here to read more about the importance of focusing on the other person in your networking activities.

Shine your shoes.  Even if you are just running to the 7-11 for a Slurpee, you want to dress like a professional.  You never know who you are going to meet when you are out.

7) Have a great elevator pitch. (If you aren’t sure what that is or how to get one, check out “Jim Nudelman’s 4 Step Process for Writing an Elevator Pitch.”

6) Have plenty of Business Cards / Contact Cards on hand.

5) Be memorable, and I mean this in a good way!  One guy always wears a red sweater to these events.  Then, when he contacts someone later he says, “I’m the guy in the red sweater you met last week at the networking meeting.” He’s pretty hard to forget!

4) Check your teeth before you leave the house.  You don’t want some yucky-green thing stuck between your teeth!  Bad first impression! (see #8)

3) Spend at least 90% of your time at a networking event listening and asking questions.  Remember #9, networking is NOT about YOU.

2) Go where the action is.  Lots of job seekers hang out in groups with other job seekers.  While that’s a good place to start and practice your elevator pitch, sooner or later you need to show up someplace where people who would hire you hang out.

and the number 1 tip for job seekers is . . . .

1) Have fun!  My good friend Cleon Cox III leads a job finder’s support group.  His motto is, “Have fun, meet people, and learn something.”  I agree!

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